Something different

Something different happened today.

I didn't run...I didn't hide. If only you knew how much I wanted to hide my voice and close the door.

And yet it seems almost unreal that I sit here writing when only a few hours ago I was crying in the depths of despair with no light at the end of the tunnel.

What did I do differently?

I made a choice. I made the step, I opened my mouth.

I found that the words came slow at first, but then they came.

I went through denial, anger, depression and acceptance in the space of an hour. Most importantly I didn't stop to give up. I was tired and I wanted to, but I didn't. Its amazing what a cuddle can do to make things better again.

I had a bad day at work. Actually because I bring my work home with me, its hard to see where the work finishes and life begins. I suppose it goes with my job. I have done it for years and I see myself working myself into the ground if I am not careful. Being a perfectionist is a dangerous job unless you recognise it has to stop.

When I give 100% at my work and am told it is not good enough, I know then that it is impossible then to succeed there. I know I am very good at what I do, I know I dont need anyone telling me this. It has been a hard struggle to learn this, but learn this I have.

I know that all these bad days remind me of something else I am striving for. I am striving for a place with peace and understanding. A people place..

A People Place
If this is not a place where tears are understood, Where do I go to cry?
If this is not a place where my spirits can take wing, Where do I go to fly?
If this is not a place where my questions can be asked, Where do I go to seek?
If this is not a place where my feelings can be heard, Where do I go to speak?
If this is not a place where you’ll accept me as I am, Where can I go to be?
If this is not a place where I can try to learn and grow, Where can I be just me?
William J Crockett

So, if I get upset again because it is not a people place, then I will make it in my small corner of the world and then I will go on a quest to find it.

And if I cannot find the place, I will be the place.