See!

See!
The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come.

(Song 2:11–12)

Nothing Stays Still

I look out of the window and I find the sky is a striking grey colour. In front of this backdrop are the most brilliant white clouds. Both seem to move. Gradually. Gently. Nothing stays still.

Even nature does not stand still. I wonder why we fight this concept as people. We want everything to stay the same. We are reluctant to invite change, when it secretly it is what we actually crave.

My battles are always fought within. My heart is wounded by so many arrows, that I have learnt to protect it. This doesn't mean I don't fight. I am constantly fighting. I am fighting for a better life. I am fighting for a better future. I am fighting for a love that is worth my last breath.

Nothing stays still, and neither do I.

What lies within us

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

My first step

I have taken the first step on the road to the countdown.

Yesterday I did it...I gave it in...I handed in my notice.

I feel both exhilarated and scared.

Its funny how I am always alone for a few days after I make any lifechanging decisions. It always worries me as I could potential enter meltdown and start regreting my decisions. I wonder if I am alone for a reason. It seems as if I have to internalise what I have done or am about to do. Anyway, the BF is away today and so, it seems am am alone with my thoughts.

I know that my decision has been made by me and me alone. Noone forced or cooerced me into it. I do not want to stay in my work and that is clear. In that respect I am happy about my decision.

I know I will miss some people at my work. I will miss the familiarity, although not the lack of challenge.

I suppose at the end of each chapter, you will always look back to see what has happened. For a long time this has been my life. I have walked these ways because there have been no other to walk. I have walked in darkness and I have walked in light. Both have been frightening.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us . . .
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

ok then...lets go...

Ive done it.

Ive made my decision. Yes, it would be great if I had more, but I have to make it with what I have.

I have only got lemons...I know that with that and only that I have to make something. I have 4 months, and in that time I am going to have to make really big sacrifices.

There are many things I cannot change. I have a lot of should've / would've/ could've statements, but they cant help me now. Yes, I should have saved more. Yes, I could have done more. Yes I would have more now. But the reality is that I don't. I wanted a fruit bowl of fruit with lots of options. I wanted to have the luxury to choose. Well, I had the luxury at one point, and I wasted it. Fruit only have a short shelf-life. If you dot use them, then you lose them. Now I only have one option. Shall I let that go to waste as well? Then I will have nothing.

I want a fruit bowl full of fruit, but all I have are lemons. So, lets see what can be done with lemons...

I am alive

Ive just realised that if I stay I will miss out on so much...I will miss out on life.
I am alive...
I know what to do...

I have a ticket

I have a ticket.
A ticket out of here.
A ticket out of the rat-race, the obligations faced by many each day and a ticket to happiness.

Why am I reluctant then to take it?
What is stopping me from saying a 100% yes to this opportunity?

I am with a man who I love very much and who love me too.
He has goals and dreams and wants me to join him to share in his experience.
We have a next chapter, and it includes both of us.

I have a ticket with my name on it and I know I have to take it.
So what is preventing me?
I have a thousand No's running around my head.
The weird thing is, I don't actually want to stay here in my job. Its not me anymore. Its not for me anymore.

One thing preventing me is security. I will have to cash that in for 'I'm-not-sure-what'. I have a roof over my head and financial security. Maybe I have depended on these too much. Maybe I have always had material security.

Mark 10.25 "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I need to leave things behind in order to move forward.

I like how things are at the moment, but I know through experiencing it, that things do not always remain the same.

I cannot imagine not taking this ticket. I would be crazy.

But as time gets nearer to going, I am being dragged backwards by an invisible force that I cannot describe.

I wonder if I could have a conversation with my future self, what I would say to myself today.

I may get another opportunity, I may not.
It may turn out well, it may not.
Nothing in this world is certain, but this much is sure. If you love and are loved, doesn't that endure all?

I love my life, but sometimes you have to give up something to get something else.
Unless something ends, another thing cannot begin.

There is nothing else I need when I am in his arms.

When my love dances with me,
It is is like there is no one else in the whole room.
The music plays just for us.
I breathe in all of him and I sigh out pure bliss.
He is man enough to lead me and I am woman enough to let him.
There is nothing else I need when he holds me in his arms.

And when we are ready to sleep
and he holds out his arm to me,
I lay on his warm chest with his heart beating
and I know I love.
There is nothing else I need when he holds me in his arms.

Here, there and everywhere

To lead a better life I need my love to be here...

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere

Lyrics by The Beatles

Jump

A father was teaching his little son to be less afraid, to have more courage.

"Jump!" he said, "and I'll catch you."
And the little boy trusted him, and the little boy jumped.

And when his father caught him, he felt filled with love.

And when he didn't, he was filled with something else, something more...
Life.

Jewish Adage from the movie ' And then she found me'

Running through the monsoon

I'm staring at a broken door
There's nothing left here anymore
My room is cold, it's making me insane
I've been waitin' here so long
Another moment seems to've come
I see the dark clouds comin' up again

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world
Til' the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm
Into the blue
And when I lose myself I'll think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
Through the monsoon
Just me and you

A halfmoon fading from my sight
I see your vision in its light
But now it's gone and left me so alone
I know I have to find you now
Can hear your name,I don't know how
Why can't we make this darkness feel like home?

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world
Til' the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm
Into the blue
And when I lose myself I'll think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon

Hey!
Hey!

I'm fighting all this power coming in my way
Let it take me straight to you,
I'll be running night and day
I'll be with you soon
Just me and you
We'll be there soon
So soon

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world
Til' the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm
Into the blue
And when I lose myself I'll think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon
Through the monsoon
Just me and you
Through the monsoon
Just me and you

Tokio Hotel Lyrics

Dusk

Dusk is my favourite time of day. It is the magical nothing time. Not the day and not the evening...its undefinable...its perfect. Its the end of something and the beginning of something else. It is as if the day is holding its breath...waiting...pausing...

Its hot here after a day of warmth. Spring warmth mind you, the wind is still cool. Flip-flop weather it isnt yet...but it is making its presence known. Its coming.

A glass of rosé is certainly making it much better. I have had a spaghetti brain kind of day. Lots of things going around in my head. Not enough for a fruit cake moment, but my thoughts are certainly tumble drying around in my head. I thought that that was enough to contend with, but after having my card declined whilst clothes shopping, I found that some (insert preferable rude word here) had cloned my card and stolen about £200 of my money. Then spent the rest of the afternoon doing stuff to either cancel stuff or change stuff. I dont think these 'people' actually give a damn about the consequences. How nice it must be to see someone as a name and a number and be able to steal from them. How gutless...anyway...its all sorted now and I suppose its not the end of the world and could have been much worse (according to my mum)

Glass two of wine beckons...and Im off to bask in the dusk-light...

Its the 'doing' action

Today is certainly all about the 'doing'.

I have been clearing out. Its a good feeling to go through your mobile, email and social networking sites to think carefully who you really want to be there.

I have thought carefully to see whether people were in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I dont know yet about the lifetime, but the season and reason people have gone. It feels good.

The End is always the beginning

The end has begun. I have realized that now.

I'm not sure exactly how it happened , but this last month has been a roller coaster of emotions. I started a long way away and now I have caught up and I am where time and space wants me to be.

I know that there are times when I am digging in my heels and I sit down like a stubborn child and cross my arms with a cross face. I keep having moments that push me towards the end. Without this acceptance, I cant walk towards the beginning.

Si Tú No Vuelves

Si tú no vuelves
se secarán todos los mares
y esperaré sin ti
tapiado al fondo de algún recuerdo

Si tú no vuelves
mi voluntad se hará pequeña...
Me quedaré aquí
junto a mi perro espiando horizontes

Si tú no vuelves
no quedarán más que desiertos
y escucharé por sí
algún latido le queda a esta tierra

Que era tan serena cuando me querías
había un perfume fresco que yo respiraba
era tan bonita, era así de grande
no tenía fin...
Y cada noche vendrá una estrella
a hacerme compañía
que te cuente como estoy
y sepas lo que hay.
Dime amor, amor, amor
estoy aquí ¿no ves?
Si no vuelves no habrá vida
no sé lo que haré

Si tú no vuelves
no habrá esperanza ni habrá nada
Caminaré sin ti
con mi tristeza bebiendo lluvia

Que era tan serena cuando me querías
había un perfume fresco que yo respiraba
era tan bonita, era así de grande
no tenía fin...

Y cada noche vendrá una estrella
a hacerme compañía
que te cuente como estoy
y sepas lo que hay.
Dime amor, amor, amor
estoy aquí ¿no ves?
Si no vuelves no habrá vida
no sé lo que haré

Y cada noche vendrá una estrella
a hacerme compañía
que te cuente como estoy
y sepas lo que hay.
Dime amor, amor, amor
estoy aquí ¿no ves?
Si no vuelves no habrá vida
no sé lo que haré

No sé lo que haré
No sé lo que haré
Se no vuelve no habrá vida
No sé lo que haré
No sé lo que haré
No sé lo que haré
Se no vuelve no habrá vida
No sé lo que haré

Miguel Bose

Felicita

Felicita e tenersi per mano
andare lontano la felicita.
E il tuo squardo innocente
in mezzo alla gente la felicita.
E restare vicini come bambini@
la felicita
felicita.

Felicita e un cuscino di piume
l'acqua del fiume che passa e va.
E' la pioggia che scende dietro le tende la felicita.
E abbassare la luce per fare pace
la felicita
felicita.

Felicita e un bicchiere di vino
con un panino la felicita.
E lasciarti un biglietto dentro al cassetto.

La felicita e cantare a due voci
quanto mi piaci la felicita
felicita.

Senti nell'ario c'e gia
la nostra canzone d'amore che va.
Come un pensiero che sa di felicita.
Senti nell'aria c'e gia
un raggio di sole piu caldo che va
come un sorriso che sa di felicita.

Felicitae una sera a sorpresa
la luce accesa e la radio che va
e'un biglietto d'auguri pieno di cuori la felicita.
E una telefonata non aspettata
la felicita
felicita.

Felicita e uns spiaggia di notte
l'onda che batte lafelicita.
E una mano sul cuore piena d'amore la felicita.
E aspettare l'aurora per fario ancory
la felicita
felicita.

Senti nell'ario c'e gia . .

Happiness
is holding hands and walk far together
Happiness
is your innocent look in a crowd
Happiness
is staying close to each other like children do
Happiness Happiness

Happiness
is a feather pillow and a flowing river
It's the falling rain behind the curtains
Happiness
is dimming the light to make up after a fight
Happiness Happiness

Happiness
is a glass of wine accompanied with a sandwich
Happiness
is leaving a small note for you in the drawer
Happiness
is singing together "I like you so much"
Happiness Happiness

You can feel already in the air
our love song spreading
like a joyful thought


You can feel already in the air
a warmer sunray shining
like a blissful smile

Happiness
is an unplanned evening
with the light and the radio on
and a little card with hearts drawn all over
It's an unexpected phone call
Happiness Happiness

Happiness
is a beach at night
and the wave breaking on the shore
Happiness
is a hand full of love over the heart
Happiness
is waiting for dawn
to make love again
Happiness Happiness

Al Bano Carrisi & Romina Power

Meaning
Listening
Doing
Belonging

From my head to my heart, from my shoulder to my shoulder, I belong to you.

Knowledge Vs Understanding

It is one thing is to have knowledge, and another thing to understand it and use it.

Knowledge is nothing unless you apply it.

Travelling

If you know where you start from, you can tell how far you have travelled. I know where I started from and I know how far I have travelled so far. I am proud of myself!

Just think how much farther I can go!